This is sadness

Is there a way to know
What's going to be
When I have stopped
And you have not
When you have continued on
And I am left behind
When we are all left after you have gone
What is to be
What am I supposed to ask then?

~ Sept 24

What I See: Post 1

The dogs are lazy today
The sun is unexpectedly
briliant in the end
of September
We are surprised
I am out of sorts
Cause one: fatigue
Cause two: heartache
I look up and find
I look out to find des
Entieres que manquent
des pieces de la vie
De leurs vies a eux
Donc quoi faire?
The dogs are lazy
They will not move
They have lain down
On concrete grey
brightened with sunlight
Hearts ache for some
light to show them
Answers to things
They don't know
the questions for

My eyes have been betraying me lately. They let the fatigue come to the surface but I'm not that tired. I'm OK. I can still keep going. Really.

What do you do when your eyes betray you? When your body tells you to slow down? But you haven't really started. It's all already overwhelmed but you haven't done anything, you haven't gone anywhere. What's going to happen? My eyes are traitors. They call for sleep and my brain wants quiet.

Hmm...

Long days are good when they are busy and prepared for in advance. But when it's the opposite... it sucks.

I'll post something more poetic soon. Quand j'ai besoin d'une pause de tous les materiaux francais.

c'est bien

School is it.
Pseudo-crushes abound. Inflating them is a pastime!
It is school, work, and arts+creativity+culture.
Time is saved for necessities.
Same goes with the cheddah.
Goals in mind!

Such is life from here on in.

Nerves on end of lines long worn with worry
Fighting for a belief in sunny days clouds away
Rainfor the next year and a day they encounter
Inching closer towards letting go nerves unable
to ... they don't know how ... they have forgotten how

~19 Aug 2008; free association writing; this is how it appears in my notebook

i know you miss me

Sleepless thoughts are away too it's strange since I've been pre-occupied I guess that's what happens when you don't let your mind take over You kind of just let your own heart do the thinking
It's nice to say that I can finally cast you away
Can't say something's gone until it's not in the universe anymore
Mmm but I had my time with that already
I didn't want to, didn't want it to continue
"Just start begging for me already," was what one good friend said jokingly, pretending to be the perdant of my affection. But I know you miss me. I feel that. Truly. And you can't lie about it either. And if we're gonna talk about being honest, I miss you too. Or maybe just what was. Could be that's all you miss too. I miss the affection. I miss your affection. That's how honest I'm gonna be. At least I'll be honest with me, if YOU can't be honest with me.

We were really cool on paper. Did you know that? Because it seemed everything that I thought to be what I wanted was visible... sorta ... in you. And I hate that you're the subject of most of my writing lately. Who knows if you're even that vital? I surely don't. You won't tell me if you are. I won't let you anyway. Just that - I can't ignore you. I'm a believer in these cosmic things. And the cosmos has been planting jokes on me all around the city. But it's good to know that it's less and less. Not as haunting as before. And I know for sure that as September is here, there won't be as many. I've made that decision. So cosmos, you better listen to me now!